Get Busy: Better Managing Your Time

One of the greatest lies to women today is that if you're not busy – if you are not constantly juggling 10 things at once, keeping up with the Joneses, or making some measure of progress – you are a failure.

Now this is not to condemn godly busyness – Paul mentions how everyone should work with their hands to make a living (Ephesians 4:28). Other passages tell us to avoid idleness that leads to temptation. There is nothing wrong with that. The Puritan tradition honored this, and this value of hard work has carried on today in the secular realm as well as the Church. Neither am I trying to be an ostrich with my head in the sand by completely denying the modern-day routine and way of life. Technology has enabled us to move faster and with greater ease, so we do. We have to accept that this is just part of our way of life, part of society and culture. I am taking this fully into account. What I am criticizing and hoping you will join with me in rebuking is the lie we are fed: that by not living up to an unrealistic standard, we are failures and therefore unworthy of God's love.

So many women go about their daily lives frustrated and ready to explode, like jars waiting to shatter. They are feeling pressure from all sides:

1) The Church. In some churches, to be anything less than a "super Christian" is a sign of weakness – either a lack of faith or a lack of diligence. If you don't have it all together, you can't attend our church. How can you be a light in the world if you don't have a good Christian witness? Too many Christian women are wrapped up in the false notion that in order to pass off as a good Christian woman, it is necessary to look busy all the time and be ultra-super-mega woman who never shows the slightest hint of being weak or frail. Many well-intentioned women are easily ensnared by this lie that seems godly but really is anything but.

In his book, The Ragamuffin Gospel, Brennan Manning speaks about the successful image our culture demands of us, and why we're unwilling to admit failure in our lives.

"There are some real problems with projecting the perfect image. First of all, it's simply not true – we are not always happy, optimistic, in command. Second, projecting the flawless image keeps us from reaching people who feel we just wouldn't understand them. And third, even if we could live a life with no conflict, suffering, or mistakes, it would be a shallow existence. The Christian with depth is the person who has failed and who has learned to live with it" (Manning 169- 170).

We can be honest here – we want to appear like we have it all together. Who doesn't? When we have the reputation of being a Christian, we feel pressure to keep up a good witness to others, believers and non-believers alike. While we indeed must be mindful at all times of Who we are representing by walking the talk, we must also bear in mind a crucial distinction. By a "good witness" we should mean real and honest, but instead we go for merely a morally pleasing façade. We take the focus off of Christ and put it on ourselves. We have got the wrong idea!

2) The World. In secular culture, feminism has tried to engineer a modern female prototype to be both the man and the woman, and to that we say, "Whoa man!" Although feminism has had many positive advantages, such as empowering women to demand equal pay for equal labor, there have also been unforeseen ramifications and devastating consequences. You have no doubt felt them in your own life. Women were never intended to carry the world upon their shoulders every day – we weren't built for that! Neither were men, for that matter. That is why men and women are both important, and why we need each other: it's too big of a job to do alone!

Thus we women are living in a world shaped by feminism, and now we are frustrated and confused about our roles and what we are to do. We have every right to be frustrated – we know deep down we can't do everything on our own, and yet we feel society expects that of us – we are women (hear us roar!) who have been liberated and empowered to do everything. While it is wonderful to recognize that, as twenty-first century women, we can have it all – career, husband, family, hobbies, etc. – it is discouraging when we have to admit our human limitations, and acknowledge that balancing it all can drive us insane. We don't just set high goals for ourselves, we try to be God and do the impossible – the summa cum laude college graduate with a gazillion hours of volunteer work, several languages, and two Pulitzer Prizes under her belt; the Mommy with several needy children, a husband, a part-time job, and a Sunday school to teach, the high-powered career woman etc. You know the examples – in fact, you probably find yourself sliding gracefully into one of the above categories. We may be admired and applauded, but at what cost and to what end? Feminism has sent us some imperatives that seriously conflict with our essential makeup as women. Needless to say, Christian women are under a ridiculous amount of stress they were never intended to carry. And being a Christian is no guarantee of immunity from this secular expectation. The pressure to keep busy is an expectation that knows no bounds.   

3) Ourselves. The third and ultimate place where the pressure originates is in ourselves. We often hate to admit this, because we're too scared or we're busy fingering the blame on bad Church teachings or just the messed-up world we live in, but it's the ultimate place where this starts and ends. It is we ourselves who control how we react and respond to the messages of our culture and our world – we are ultimately the ones who interpret and act on them, consciously or unconsciously.

Some of us women simply have the types of personalities where we feel like we're not succeeding if we're not achieving great things; that if we slow down at all or give up a couple of activities, we are giving less than our best to God. Understand that God made some of us Type-A and some Type-B – and realize that this is a good thing; that we are indeed "fearfully and wonderfully made." But we need to be aware of the flaws of our personality type (for Type A that would be going overboard or having control issues, etc.) as well as the positive traits. We need to catch our breath, slow down, and be honest with ourselves. I want us to get at the root of our fears and figure out what God has to say to those of us who are always on the go and feeling overly pressured and worn out.

Practical tips and encouragement for those who are weary and burdened.

1) Use your energy to be honest with yourself instead of setting up façades. Make time to love yourself. Are you showing yourself the same kind of care and love we are called to lavish on others? We often forget the implicit truth hidden in the command "love your neighbor as yourself." If you don't love yourself, you cannot effectively love your neighbor for long. They will sense the emptiness in you. You are not truly loving them. So if you are having trouble trying to love others in your life, perhaps you have forgotten to love yourself. 

What does Psalm 23 say? "Thou anointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over." Let's dissect this: Christians are still human like the rest of the world, and our salvation does not safeguard against any form of unhappiness, pain, or sadness. Those things are just a part of this earthly life.

But what we ARE guaranteed is that we no longer have to face those things alone – we face them boldly and mightily in the resurrected Christ! And in Christ, our cups are supposed to run over. Even when we are unhappy, depressed, sad, or in sin, deep down there is JOY, and that is what makes us overflow. Christ dwells in us despite our fallen humanity and weakness. Light can only shine through a cracked pot, not one that is whole and perfect. He has covered our sins. And when we are in our spot of greatest weakness, when we are honest enough to say we can 't make it on our own, then that is when He steps in. You are made STRONG because of Him (2 Corinthians 12:10). You overflow!

If we're not overflowing, we're parched with thirst and we're giving away the wine of God's love. A car can't run without gasoline. Neither can you, woman, love without Christ's fuel. Face this truth with humility and honesty. This is the best starting point. 

2) Know when to say NO. Because we want to please other people, or avoid appearing idle or lazy, we take on way more than we can handle, and more than we want to handle. Why do we do that to ourselves? It's a form of self-abuse. The good news is that Jesus died to free you from self-guilt and self-abuse. I can't tell you when you should say yes or no to something, but instead of giving a quick answer, take time to pray. If you sense that this activity is just too much to take on right now, have the courage to say no and the grace to be OK with your decision.

3) Know when to say YES. If we are surrendering one thing in our lives, quite often God may be asking us to say YES to something else in its place. By giving up quilting class, could you use the time to help your sister with her new baby? By stepping out of a dating relationship, could you use your number-crunching skills to advise a friend with his new business? And here's one for you: how about spending time in the Word, soaking it up, or in prayer to God? When was the last time you reveled in the sheer presence of God?

4) Get help where you need it. Move beyond your pride – you are weak and can't do everything on your own, so face this truth and it will free you up incredibly! Have a babysitter help with the kids a couple times a week so you can re-charge; have a housecleaner come help you bail out that clutter that is weighing on you; get a tutor for that chemistry course you're struggling through; get a mentor to help you where you are doubting spiritually; get a calendar planner to help you stay organized. If you are dealing with anxiety, depression, addiction, or anything else requiring professional assistance, seek appropriate treatment. Invest in these kinds of services and tools that will help get you where you need to be. By doing this, you are giving somebody the opportunity to serve and bless you. Let yourself be blessed. Accept the grace and love God wants to bestow upon you through other people! 

5) Concern yourself with the generals, and the particulars will fall into place. We all wonder how we should invest our time, talents, and energy wisely, and so we turn to the Bible with the expectation that God will lay it out for us in black and white – whether we should marry Joe or Jack, go to grad school or work, be a missionary to Thailand or Taiwan. We need to accept the reality that God and life don't work that way – our choices are not 100 percent clear-cut all the time. But what the Bible can guide you toward are the overarching, supremely important truths, like what faith looks like, what it means to love the Lord your God and love your neighbor, what it means not to fear, etc. If you take care of the general commands from God, the particulars are guaranteed to fall into place in God's way and time. 

6) Be a Mary, not a Martha. No, I'm not talking about Martha Stewart, I'm talking about Jesus' friend, Martha, in the New Testament. Luke 10:38-42 goes as follows:

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, 'Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!' 'Martha,Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'"

This is a fabulous example! Mary is a woman in tune with God; she knows when her Lord is present, and realizes that He is all-important; nothing else is worth even glancing at when He is present. Martha, on the other hand, is a hyper-achiever/busybody. Martha is easily distracted by tasks, which, although noble and important, become a waste of time when Christ is around. Are you so concerned with a substitute of godliness that you miss God Himself? Or are you mesmerized by Christ Himself?

7) Lilies and birds. Matthew 6:25-34 contains some of the most intimate and deeply caring messages from Jesus in all Scripture. Try this creative exercise: Read these words as though Jesus were looking you straight in the eye, telling you how much He cares for you. Imagine He is telling you this as you sip coffee at Starbucks, stroll along the ocean shore, sit together in a garden, or any other setting in which you feel comfortable.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or  about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Have you REALLY taken these verses to heart? They were written to you!

Questions to ask yourself and God to help assess your busyness:

- Do I like the way my day planner fills up?

- Is God pleased with how I'm investing my time, or is He dissatisfied at the way I'm being lazy/throwing away my time/not   acting on the good I know I ought to do/fretting away my time with the wrong activities?

- If I sense that God is not pleased, what sorts of changes will I need to make?

- Am I remembering to invest my time, etc. in the eternal things?

- Am I acting as a responsible steward of what God has given me (relationships, gifts, talents, resources, time, etc.), or am I letting these things go to rot when I should be using them to their fullest?

- Am I behaving like the servant who didn't invest the talents his master had given him (Matthew 25:14-30)?

Finally, take a look at your faith in God as though it were a bed. Is your faith a bed of hard, twisted, rusty nails, crusted over with blood? Are you allowing other messages to make it that way for you, or are you making it that way yourself? In Matthew 11:29-30, Christ says, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Have you experienced the 450-thread-count, pillow-down soft grace and peace of God? He is offering it to you. All you have to do is accept it. Realize that the nail bed you're trying to make for yourself is unnecessary, and not your responsibility. He already took it upon Himself to take the physical nails of the Romans, as well as the literal nails of sin – pain, remorse, guilt – for you.

For further recommended reading, read the classic, "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning.

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